Saturday, November 19, 2016

I was Plus Size Bride, and I am ok with that.

In the last year and a half I have been dress shopping  more that I would like to admit. I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding last fall and as you all know I got marired myself in October. I have learned a little bit in the last year and a half, one of those being I HATE dress shopping. I have had some bad experiences, at certain stores (coughdavidsbridalcough) that make me glad this whole buying a wedding dress thing is all over.

I am a plus size girl, I fall with in size 16-18 depending on the style of the dress. I know that "Bridal" runs small, and I know I was in for a headache before I even started looking for my own wedding dress. I promised some family and my close friends they can go through the whole "looking at me trying on dresses" process, mostly for them, not for me, I hated the whole idea of it. So a month before hand I was at David's Bridal with a friend who was looking for a gown for some benefit, and I figured I would get an idea of some dresses that I wanted so when I went in with the big group of people, I wasn't overwhelmed.

I am not a princess dress person, or a tight dress person, I wanted something tea length-ish. So while my friend was pulling dresses for her benefit I asked one of the girls there what they had for that style. With out even asking me my size, or even measuring me, she simply said "Oh, we don't have many of those in your size, maybe two or three. Our plus section is very small in store." At first I thought her tone was rude, but maybe I was over reacting, but when my friend who was with also heard the sassy/rudeness in her tone. I knew I wasn't over-reacting. So when I went home that night I decided to go on their website, to look at dresses. I wasn't going to have people watch me try on dresses if they only had "two or three for my size." and browsing that website looking at things in my size, was kind of hilarious.

 Because I am a size 16-18 I am right on the edge of regular size and plus size. Some of there dresses go up to 16 or 18 and when others 18 and up are plus size. So I checked both, just in case. I found a dress I loved, it was what I wanted. In standard size it was pretty cheap $200ish. It only went up to a 16. I know bridal runs small so I checked plus size, They had 16 short style dresses compared to the almost 50 of standard size, and most of their short dresses started at 850+, I felt annoyed and discouraged and put off looking at dresses for awhile.

If you follow my YouTube channel, you know I ended up finding my dress, and where I found it was online, Modcloth to be exact. I took my own measurements and decided on a dress I really loved, so I was happy I got to try it on in the comfort of my own home, and with out some sales lady judging me. But my dress shopping wasn't over. I had to go for my friends wedding, which again wasn't a great experience, some dresses we couldn't even look at because they didn't come in that size. In the end I was happy it was over.

I knew going into this it wasn't going to be easy. I know I am a bigger, I know a lot of things wouldn't come in my size. Once I found the dress it was like "phew ok now that is over." but then started the comments, Oh those  "so are you going to lose weight for your wedding? How much weight have you lost to fit into your dress?"comments. Now for some reason a lot of people, and I mean random coworkers, family friends, even random people I barely know online expected me to magically become thinner, or lose weight for my wedding. "you are going to be in pictures! you will look at these forever! Aren't you gonna try to lose weight?" Now don't get me wrong, the 2 months till  wedding I made sure I wasn't eating junk ( i don't eat a lot of junk anyways, but it happens.) so I could make sure I would stay fitting in my dress, but I am fat, there is no other way to say it, I am fat. I was a little smaller than this when I met Eric, I go up and down in my weight all the time but for the most part, I am this size, why would I JUST lose weight to look good in my wedding dress?

Its bad enough trying on dresses at places where they made rude comments at you for being plus size knocks down your self esteem, but once you find that dress that you think you look amazing in, and now people are telling you that you need to lose weight to be thinner so you can look good in photos because its your wedding? So I wont look good because I am fat? No! I am going to be a fat bride, and I have no shame in that. I know I am a bigger girl, it took me a lot of years to love myself, a lot of struggles to love myself, and I am finally here at age 28 and I love myself even though I am fat. Even though that girl at David's Bridal made snotty comments about my size. My now husband loves me, not because of my size. He wont care if I am 20lbs smaller in my wedding dress or this size right now. I am fine with the fact that I am a plus size bride.

At the end of this journey that is what I learned, its been a few months since I started writing this post, my wedding has come on gone. Its been a long journey, and all that is said and done, that day, was amazing. I felt amazing, I took a moment to myself in my best friends bathroom after I was all done up and looked at my self in the mirror, and I saw myself as an adult, I saw a little bit of my grandmother in me (who is a plus size woman) and I saw a beautiful bride. I was overwhelmed by all the compliments that day, I know you get them because you are "the bride" but being told how beautiful you look and stunning, makes you not think about the fact  other people told me i had to look "skinny in your wedding dress." because you don't need to. I had a friend pull me aside that day and tell me as a fellow plus size girl I inspired her, because most people say we "cant wear light colors." and "some dresses are flattering" but I pulled it off and I looked amazing. That right there moved me. And it helped a lot that the one person who mattered  that day, my husband, told me I looked perfect, and amazing all day. And that my friends is what matters. Not the losing weight to look pretty in your dress, or fitting into some plus size bride bubble that stores want you to fit into it. That YOU feel beautiful and amazing and that you are happy. Because its the happiest day of your life, it goes by super quick and you want to enjoy it, not worry if you "look fat" in your wedding dress.